Changes in Season

If you live in a place like I do, you experience the change in the seasons each year. We experience the blistering sun and dry Summers, colorful Fall's that quickly turn into blustering Winters. During the change of the seasons, you're changing as well.

I first started soaking in the seasons of my life at age 19. I was living on my families ranch at the time as I recently dropped out of college. You could only imagine the feelings of disappointment, confusion and frustration I felt. I didn't know what my next step would be after I dropped out of college, so I gave it to God and let him decide for me.

That spring and summer I spent at the ranch was one of the best summers I had growing up. Looking back now I wish I could go back for a day and enjoy what I had a little longer. But that's the thing... When I first moved back to the ranch, I felt disappointed, confused and frustrated but turned it around into a summer I will never forget. This was the start of the seasons in my life that I would truly enjoy and never forget.

A person never truly knows what life has in store for them. One of my friends that passed away in high school had written his testimony about his relationship with God before his passing, he wrote "God has a reason for everything", this quote has single handedly gotten me through some of the hardest seasons of my life

During my early 20's I experienced, a toxic relationship resulting in a breakup, tragic deaths, moves and a career change. Between the series of shitty relationships, deaths in my family, moving to a new town and dealing with all the other dysfunction that is my life, I kept pushing through as I knew that I had no other choice.

I won't say that I handled these challenging seasons like a champ by any means. I think I spiraled out of control just like any other 20-something year old would do. I started partying a lot more, staying out late, and didn't take anything too seriously. I honestly felt that if things were already going down like a dumpster fire that I might as well embrace it.

I kept up the attitude for several years that I might as well just embrace the things life throws at us. I continued to be that party girl and continued to do the bare minimum in life as it had worked for me thus far. It wasn't until I met my husband Marty that my season finally started to change. I had been in the wild season of fighting for my life, partying every weekend, drinking every night

I first met Marty back in 2022 when I first started my job. He was loud, joyous, and somewhat annoyed me. Marty had "slid into my DM's" and I ghosted him. I figured I had enough gone on in my life that I surely didn't need a Marty in it at that time. Away I went continuing to put myself in compromising situations in the name of "fun" and living life on the edge. Things continued to stay the same for me in the season of unexpected dysfunction because, that's the only energy I was allowing in at the time.

I continued to live a fast lifestyle until I found myself in yet again, another toxic relationship that would control who I was. I started to settle down, I started going out less, focusing on work more. Focusing on my mental health and wellbeing all along while trying to foster a toxic relationship with an insecure man. I started focusing less and less on myself in this relationship and started focusing on the other person and trying to help fix them and their insecurities. New flash! You cannot fix another human; they have to do it themselves.

I would continue to deal with unpredictable behaviors and attitudes, this started weighing heavy on my mental health. Unnecessary arguments would begin out of nowhere, I would be blamed for my short comings and everything else under the sun. This type of relationship behavior was something I always knew in the back of my mind wasn't normal, but I took it for it was worth anyways.

Months into this relationship I was proposed to by this individual I just described. A normal person would think "say NO!", but I said "yes", there was a lot of uncertainty in the yes, but I thought to myself "God has a plan for you" and thought maybe this is a part of the plan.

One month into an engagement that gave me panic attacks while thinking about it too much, I called off the engagement. I felt a weight come off my shoulders when I called of my engagement. I packed up my belongings and left without a plan or home to go to with my belongings and my two little dogs in tow. I made a promise to myself that day as I put the rearview to my past behind me. I promised myself that this would be my best chapter yet and that I wouldn't be drug down anymore by things that I can't control, and that this chapter I would be truly happy.

I sat there in the spare bedroom of the home of my good friend Dondee. I laughed to keep myself from crying and Dondee was crying for the both of us. Here I sat at 24 years old without a home to call my own, but for what it was worth I would have rather of been homeless then continue to put up a fake persona that I was happy in a toxic relationship.

I laughed, I cried, I looked at all of my belongings that were crammed in this spare bedroom with me. I started to get teary eyed then reminded myself of the promise I made to myself earlier that day. This chapter was about happiness, and I wasn't going to let myself get worked up over being homeless. So, I got on my phone and started making phone calls and was lucky enough to find a house that I was able to move into the next day.

The very next day I got to work unloading my belongings into this house that I would now call my home with my two little dogs Ruthie and Rollie. Once I was all settled in, I looked around at the bare walls and the empty boxes that surrounded me. Overwhelmed by the events that just took place over the course of 24 hours I was relieved once again to know that this was the start of something great.

A month into living in my new place I felt like me again. I was happier, I had my freedom back that was lost in a toxic relationship. I didn't have to worry about if so and so was going to be in a good mood when I got home, I didn't have to worry about anything but myself and the wellbeing of my dogs.

I started to reflect on the series of my life since moving to this area 5 years ago, I started thinking about the people I met. Then I started thinking about Marty all of a sudden and how I ghosted him two years prior. I thought about our past interaction and started asking my friends about him. I started searching for Marty on every social media platform available to see if he would give me a chance. To my luck, there was no luck in finding Marty on social media as he had deleted all of them.

One really lonely afternoon, I downloaded the ever so dreaded app... Tinder. And by my surprise I found Marty. I swiped right, right away and waited in suspense wondering if he would swipe back. Later that day I heard the ever so dreaded chime of the Tinder notification to my surprise Marty had liked me back.

Trying to play it as cool as possible I asked him if he wanted to hangout the next day, then got impatient and asked to hang out with him that night. Reluctantly, Marty obliged me. One night turned into two nights of hanging out that turned into three then turned into us becoming engaged a couple months later resulting in marriage 2 weeks after the engagement on a random Friday in mid-July.

People thought I was crazy and questioned my sanity as I rushed into a relationship and a marriage as quick as I did to a man that I ghosted 2 years prior. But let me tell you, this by far was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

The season of stability, love, happiness and security is upon me. This is my time to be able to live my life that I was put here to live thanks to the help of my husband. I am forever full of love and forever grateful to my husband for starting this prosperous season together. If it hadn't been for his love to save me, I am unsure of where I would have ended up in this life.

The season of my hurt has come to an end, and I am committed to focusing on my season of healing.

To my loving husband, thank you for choosing me and loving me even when I was unsure of myself. Thank you for being my number one supporter and my best friend. I love you with all my heart and soul.

Peace&Love

The Daily Extrovert.