Alive

Over the years I have experienced a great deal of loss and grief due to the passing of my loved ones. The feeling of loss is one I feel that I know all too well. I have lost friends, I lost a parent, I lost relatives and others that I loved dearly. I have become accustomed to knowing how to deal and heal from my grief. At this point I almost feel like a professional griever.

What people don't really talking about is grieving someone that is alive. That is a whole different kind of pain. It is knowing that this person that you love so very much is waking up each and every day and going to bed every night knowing that you are not a part of their life anymore.

Grieving someone that is alive is similar to grieving someone that is dead. You have a lot of firsts that first year without them. You still have to make it through their birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas knowing that this person is celebrating these special seasons without you.

I am going through the process of grieving my own father. Never in a million years did I think I would grieve my father that is very much alive. You might be going through this with someone who you would have never thought you would lose. Relationships and people come and go, but it's not suppose to be your family that's coming and going. When it comes to grieving your family it makes for a peculiar experience.

I wish that I had the answers to heal this feeling for others that feel that same way I do. I advise you to access the situation, why did it happen? Is it better this way? What can you do to heal from the hurt? For me I am grieving my father because he point blank told me to not contact him ever again after we had a heated discussion about his parenting (or the lack of parenting and support). For me, it does feel like it is better this way, I couldn't continue to put myself through the heartbreak of wishing he was more fatherly and empathetic and maybe a less self-absorbed. What can I do to heal? In this particular situation I am taking it day by day. I know that my father wounds aren't going to heal over night, I know that it's going to hurt and feel lonely at times. But the key is to keep on moving forward.

At some point you have got to move on from your grief, but that is up to you to decide when to move on. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE AT ALL can tell you when you need to quit grieving and "move on" it takes time. You're literally mourning some one that you love (or did love).

Lastly, DO NOT let ANYONE tell you how to heal. You heal at your own pace, you figure out what helps you feel good on the inside out. For me I found that reaching out to a targeted community through my blogs has been a great way for me to share awareness and let other people know that they're not alone. I have so many different experiences that I have made it through, so why not share and try and help the next person out that's struggling.

At the end of the day you take care of you. Do not let other's make you feel bad for "living in the past" while you're healing. Healing has a lot to do with the past and it's ok to go back there and revisit certain situations to help you better understand what is going on in the present. Feel your feelings, grieve your grief. It will all work out the way it was intended to.

Peace and Love <3

The Daily Extrovert